I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
