from now on my penis is your penis
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize