i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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