just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
