dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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