Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
