okay pat passed out under dana's car
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
bring money and cleavage
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
