I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
