You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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