he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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