So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
3pm strippers are depressing
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
