I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
