4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
