I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
