I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
