weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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