At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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