I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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