Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
