Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
