i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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