shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
