I'm lost and stupid without you.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
