I heard we made out
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
