I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
