I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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