we made out on top of his cat.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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