She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
