Yo dont text me then not text me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
