Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You smell like stripper and shame
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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