Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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