I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
