Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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