the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
