I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
