He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
