i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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