i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
