She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
