eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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