I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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