I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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