Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
