if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
