just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
