no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
