If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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