I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
