note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
