Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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