Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Less talking, more tequila
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
