What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
