well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
