There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it glows. i had to have it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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