That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
