it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
